When you’re planning your wedding, there are lots of things that you need to do to get prepared. You need to arrange a wedding venue, a dress, makeup, shoes, suits, catering, your honeymoon, and so on.
One of the things that are important not to forget is to give yourself time to prepare mentally for the days after the wedding. While you’re busy planning, it can be easy to forget to prepare yourself for being married. With preparation, you can enter your new life ready for the ups and downs of marriage.
Change Me to We
There’s no room to be selfish in a marriage, so before you get married, you should work on changing your mindset from ‘me’ to ‘we’. This doesn’t mean that you will lose your own identity or that you should stop thinking about your own happiness.
What it does mean is that you and your spouse should consider each other when you make plans and in your dreams for the future and the things that you want to do. Marriage should be a partnership and you need to be on the same team. Learn to put aside your ego and work together, whether it’s a small choice like researching wedding invitation wording tips or big choices like career changes and where to live.
Learn From a Role Model Couple
Do you know a couple that you think sets a great example for the kind of marriage you want and of a long-term commitment to each other? If you do, whether that’s parents, grandparents, or friends, try to learn from them. Ask them how they handle any disagreements and arguments, how they communicate effectively and how they juggle work and marriage.
Observe how they treat each other during both good and bad times. Through years of marriage, they’ve probably found a few tips for maintaining a long-lasting union. Their wisdom can help you to act both as a couple and as an individual to get the marriage that you want.
Attend Premarital Classes
There’s no harm in getting some more knowledge about a healthy marriage from premarital classes or courses. Classes like this usually have a counsellor who can answer your questions, give some useful insights about marriage, or help you to overcome any pre-wedding jitters, fears, or anxieties you might have. Unlike taking hints from parents or friends, a counsellor is neutral and unbiased, so they can give you advice or information that is objective.
Start Adjusting and Planning Your Finances
There will be quite a change from handling your finances as a single person to managing household finances together and sharing money with your spouse. Money issues are one of the most common causes of divorce, so it is incredibly important to start making adjustments to and planning for your financial life together before you get married.
This planning should be done with your fiancé. You both need to be open about what you earn, debts you may have, available assets, as well as investments. Discuss your long-term financial plans, dreams, and goals with each other. When you both know what to expect from one another, you can make changes to your money habits, such as starting to save more or avoiding impulse spending.
Talk About Children
The minute you get married, people are going to start asking you about your plans for starting a family. If you’re ready to talk about this, nevermind actually having children, this could soon be a real issue that is tough to handle. It’s a good idea to have a frank discussion with your partner about children before you get married.
Discuss whether you want children at all, when you might want them, how many, and the sort of parents you want to be. Make sure you’re on the same page. When you have come to an understanding with each other, it will be much easier to decide if, when, and how to start a family, and not be stressed out by external pressure from well-meaning loved ones.
Learning forgiveness is key to a successful marriage, so you should be prepared to forgive. Holding a grudge against your spouse will harm your relationship and create a negative atmosphere at home. Instead, you need to learn how to forgive and to see the silver lining of any hardships that you might encounter along the way. If you can both do this, you can learn from each other and grow together without becoming divided by bitterness and resentment.
Keep an Open Mind and be Flexible
You might have some expectations about married life, but you shouldn’t expect your marriage to be perfect all the time. In all relationships, there are ups and downs, and you need to be prepared for that to happen.
Remember to have faith in your future spouse and in your relationship, so you won’t feel like giving up when you are faced with marital problems. You need to be able to keep an open mind and be flexible. There will be changes in your life and in your marriage, some of which you might expect. So, it is therefore imperative to be adaptable.
Discuss Your Boundaries
It’s natural that you and your spouse have some different ways of thinking, contrasting perspectives, and some particular wants and needs. If you’re going to minimize the amount of potential friction during married life, you need to make sure that you discuss your boundaries with your partner before you both get married.
Once you’re married, what do you both feel is okay and what is not okay for both of you to do. Are you comfortable with being friends with exes? Can you discuss marriage problems with friends? How often are you happy to have nights out apart? Talk through all of these things and agree on boundaries and limits together.
Build a Friendship and Learn to Laugh Things Off
The best way to enjoy a good marriage is to have your best friend as your spouse. See your spouse as not only your love, but also as a friend that you can talk to about anything, share your passions with, and confide in. Your spouse should be someone that you can be yourself with. Just like friends, you need to learn to create a positive atmosphere around each other and try to laugh at some of your problems. This can chase off issues instead of letting things get too serious.
Understand Your Partner
A good marriage is made up of two people who understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses and are able to accept them. Invest time in getting to really know your partner so you can gain a deeper understanding of your future spouse and learn what makes them really happy.
For example, maybe your partner feels connected when you talk to each other, whereas you feel closer when you’re sharing activities together. Find out what your partner is looking for, accept that (if you can), and learn to compromise so you both get what you need.
Adjust Your Time
Life after marriage can mean that you have to readjust some of your priorities. As a couple, each of you needs the other’s attention, so it’s inevitable that some changes in your routine will have to happen. Be prepared to adjust your habits, like your preferred meal times, sleep habits, the time you return from work, and so on.
Both of you should be willing to make these adjustments so you can meet in the middle. If you can do this, you’ll have a happier life together. For example, if you’re an early riser, but your spouse treasures a lie-in, you can still get up early, but learn to be quiet until they’re done sleeping.
Respect Your Partner’s Family Values and Lifestyle
Every household is different, and all of us are a mix of the values in the household we grew up in and our outside influences. When you’re setting up a home with someone else, you will find some little differences.
These could be small things like whether you take your shoes off inside, to larger things like holiday traditions. It can be tough to maintain a balance, so you need to be willing to listen, observe, and respond. Through communication, you can combine your values and decide what works best for you as a couple.
If you’re going to work well as a couple, you need to respect your partner’s family. Try to learn to show them genuine love and affection, even if they’re very different to your own family. Learn about each other’s family traditions and values so you can adapt when you spend time with the other’s family.
You should also learn to connect well with your partner’s friends. You don’t have to make them your friends, but you do need to be able to spend time together. It can make things run a lot more smoothly if you can integrate into your partner’s social circle as they can then integrate into yours.
It’s normal to feel nervous before marriage, but with these tips, you and your future spouse can prepare together.
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