If you have a partner who is going through addiction, it can be extremely difficult to talk to them about their problem. It’s not only frustrating and infuriating, but you might not even know how to bring it up to them, since you can’t truly understand what they’re going through. There’s only so much help you can provide, since it has to be their decision to get help. What are some steps you can take to talk to your partner about addiction?
The Difference Between Substance Abuse And Addiction
When looking for help from a mental health therapist mckinney tx, you might be confused about the kind of help you should be getting. Substance abuse and addiction aren’t the same thing, though the terms have been used interchangeably. It is possible for someone to use drugs or alcohol and not have it impact their life. They can still fulfill their daily obligations and responsibilities. Their drug use may make them irritable and affect their personal relationships with other people.This amounts to substance abuse.
However, this can easily lead to addiction, which is a more serious issue. A person’s drug use alter’s a person’s brain chemistry to the point that they rely on the drug throughout their day in order to function. Every aspect of their life revolves around substance use, and they may start to need more and more of the substance before they start to feel the effects.
Substance abuse and addiction can also develop using legal drugs as well, such as alcohol, opioids, or nicotine.
Helpful Things To Say To Your Partner
Before you can start the conversation with your partner about their substance use, you should first recognize that there might be a root cause why they’re using. They could be using to reduce their anxiety or to help them sleep during a stressful time in their life. The first step is to ask out of curiousity so that you can better understand their situation without judgment. This will open the first door to having a more in-depth conversation down the road.
It’s important to be persistent but patient. Ask questions, and let them open up if they want to talk about it. They may not be ready to talk the first time, but they might even bring up the subject later on when they’re ready to talk. Some good ways to open up the conversation include:
- “I’m here for you if you want to talk.”
- “I noticed you drank/used a lot again this weekend. Do you want to talk about it?”
- “If now isn’t a good time to talk about this, can I check in with you in the future?”
That leaves the conversation open if they want to talk about it or not.
Unhelpful Things To Not Say To Your Partner
Addiction is already a stigmatized and stereotyped condition, so the worst thing you can do is come to them from a place of judgment. It’s important that you recognize this stigm when approaching your partner, sinc they likely already feel terrible about it. That guilt follows them everywhere they go, to the point that they’ll use in order to cope with the shame, leading to a downward spiral.
- Don’t insinuate that your partner doesn’t care about you because they’re using. They’re using substances because they have come to rely on them to help them function throughout the day.
- Don’t use a confrontational tone when speaking to your partner. It will only make them want to withdraw more and become more defensive so that they don’t trust you to talk about their issues.
- Don’t assume that they don’t know the negative impacts of their use. They already know on some level that their use is harmful or unhealthy in some way.
- Don’t talk about their addiction when you’re in an emotionally heightened state. You need to approach the conversation calmly and rationally.
- Don’t treat their addiction like it’s a personality flaw. Their behaviour is wrong; they are not wrong as a person.
Putting Up Boundaries
It’s important that you establish boundaries with your partner to protect your mental health. Be sure to take care of yourself first, including exercise, eating well, and getting good quality sleep. It can be difficult to put your needs ahead of your partner’s, especially while they’re struggling, but if you don’t, their negativity will start to creep int your life and make things worse.
To communicate boundaries, it’s recommended that you use what is called a “boundary sandwich”: offer a compassionate statement, communicate a clear boundary, and then offer them help.
Don’t be afraid to seek professional help as well. There is a reason why support groups and substance abuse therapists exist. You don’t have to deal with it all by yourself if you don’t want to. Once you’ve found professional help for your partner, be sure to get some support for yourself as well. There are also support groups for the partners of those who have substance abuse disorders or addictions.
Lastly, don’t make yourself responsible for changing your partner’s behaviour; they have to want to seek help and get better. You can only be there to provide support to help them want to make those changes.
Where To Look For Help
You may be able to get a few fundamental sources from your primary care physician, since they can direct you to professionals who are more well-versed in the topics of addiction and substance abuse. There are also toll-free helplines you can call so that you know where to start and how to approach your partner. Research a few support groups in your area and see if there is anyone there who can help you out.
If you’re spouse of loved one is dealing with a substance abuse disorder to addiction, don’t want to call. The sooner you get involved and offer help, the sooner they can start that path to recovery. It’s not going to be an easy road, but perseverance and patience will help you through these difficult times in the end.